Clara Listensprechen @ClaraListensprechen4@social.cleverlibre.org

The Coca-Cola Company did not rediscover Santa’s red and white outfit. It was the power of myth reasserting itself, since the magic of the season demands we remember that people used to offer blood sacrifices during the winter solstice to ensure the sun would come up again.

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Fact: the Elves attempted to form a union in 1940

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Rudolph was a bioengineered reindeer they crossed with a firefly

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Fact: Santa has to regularly oil his reindeer or they stop going

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The 3rd Wiseman name was Frank

The toys are outsourced to the Oompa Loompas and only "assembled" at the North Pole

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Elves in Santa's shop are not unionized

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There’s a war on Christmas.

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We came this close to celebrating Brianmas

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Every time you hear a story about a wizard who flies in a magical sleigh around the world in one night and can carry toys for all the girls and boys everywhere , it turns out to be this guy.

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No one talks about the Archangel Michael visiting Joseph to make sure he understood the assignment.

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Santa Claus masquerades as my dad on his 364 days off.

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Santa's real name is Nick Frost.

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There was originally another Wise Man, but he demurred.

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Mrs. Claus's nickname for Santa is the Dude.

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#TheBigLebowski

There are really only 10 fruitcakes in existence and we just keep regifting them.

(very old johnny carson joke ripoff)

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They call him Saint Nick because he broke in and stole stuff

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Keeblers are elves who mated with smurfs.

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The sleigh is pulled by 40 horses and none of them have names.

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