They're after me... @frickinLasers@social.cleverlibre.org

#GenXer #memes

#meme #Christmas #ChristmasEve

me: popcorn button doesn’t work on the microwave

him: what happened

me: it’s still broccoli

@hankgreen

"Are you okay?"

"No. Why? Did I seem okay before?"

"You up?"
4th century, BC

“Rupert darling, it’s your mother. Are you decent?”

Every budget is a moral choice.

The $1.7 trillion budget just passed by Congress devotes TWO-THIRDS of all funding to the military and law enforcement.

https://stephensemler.substack.com/p/only-about-a-third-of-the-fy2023

Merry Christmas to my new Mastodon family... yeah, that means you 😀 🎄

Me: Today is a liquor store run.
Mother Nature: I'LL MAKE ICE!
Me: I don't need-
MN: ICE!
Me: No, wait!
MN: ICE IT IS!

Nobody wants to get into a conversation and come across as boring, annoying, or just a huge fucking drag! So I've developed a simple technique to help me avoid that. It's called not sharing my thoughts

Christmas hack.

SHAGGY: what did the vet say you have

SCOOBY DOO: rabies

SHAGGY: zoinks i didn’t even know you could get pregnant

Me: I never use essential oils

Car mechanic: that's why it's on fire

[Postal Service]
Me: *hands over change of address form*
Clerk: Ma'am, this just says "bathtub”
Me: I live there now
Clerk: We can't send mail to a bathtub
Me: Yay

Someone was visited by three ghosts last night.

It's pronounced MUH-rye-uh!

A short story.

Mastodon feels like the start of a party before anyones had a chance to get drunk and vomit in the fridge

Can't watch SpongeBob any more due to all the sexual tension.