They're after me... @frickinLasers@social.cleverlibre.org

me: it doesn’t have a tail so i’m pretty sure it’s a hamster

tech support: okay fine right-click the hamster

Haha

"Women & Children first" i yell heroically from the Dentist's waiting room.

My 5 year plan is a long-term mental health facility with a pool and spa

Everyone is brave until it's time to pick up the mysterious dirty band-aid.

No, ma'am, I haven't seen your little dog
[tail pokes out of my mouth and I suck it back in like spaghetti]
What

Today in the #GQP - #QAnonBarbie #Greene who once said that if she had been in charge of Jan 6th "we would have won" has been appointed to House Homeland Security committee.

You can't make this stuff up.

“Naïve realism is the human tendency to believe that we see the world around us objectively and that people who disagree with us must be uninformed, irrational, or biased.”

This explains those “I’m not brainwashed, you're brainwashed!” online argument threads that go on ad nauseum.

This is a dumb bit but it was worth the effort.

Dude my cats are full of shit. I KEPT TRACK today of when I fed them.

I’ve always had an old soul and now my body matches my soul.

I’m from Texas, but that wasn’t embarrassing enough, so I moved to Florida.

I need an app like Shazam that tells me why I got up and came into the living room

I remember trying to buy a TV that does not have "smart" functionality a few years ago. It was a chore. Today it seems nigh-impossible.

And not just TVs: ovens; refrigerators; dishwashers — all have "smart" options. In fact, it seems that more and more the available non-smart models are only the simpler ones, less performant in ways that are not related to any smart functionality missing.

My non-smart TV was available only with lower resolutions than "smart" models of the same brand.

#IoT

Wow. So cool! So unnecessary. Still want it

@jjhysell I have a theory that COVID was created in a lab by Big QR just to force us to use them in order to look at menus.

I remember when toilet paper and eggs were so plentiful we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

Back in the day, toilet paper and eggs were so plentiful that you would throw them at the houses of your enemies.

wow the grand canyon is just gorges

My favourite "fuck around and find out" is probably Victoria Gillick who tried to prevent her daughter getting access to contraception and ended up becoming the definition of women's bodily autonomy in the UK for the last 36 years. She's still alive and angry, ha ha ha.