5 years ago I got severe ocd, the world and every psychiatrist says it's a lifelong diagnosis and I'll need to be on serotonin meds my whole life (any time I've tried to go off, it's been bad). But I refuse to spend the rest of my life forced to take a 5-ht2a downregulator and giving up the most extraordinary experiences a human being or the universe itself can have because of a stupid mental illness that I never asked for that already takes away from the rest of my life.

TMS didn't work, ketamine didn't work, CBD/THC didn't work, ERP didn't work, meditation didn't work, (sadly the 5-ht2a agonists didn't work long term), nothing has worked so far except downregulating 5-ht2a. But I have a special love for pharmacology and an unbreakable determination. There has to be another way.

I refuse to make the "choice" between 5-ht2a and a normal happy life when most others don't have to. I refuse to be one of those people that just has to "accept" or be "thankful" to be on those meds all my life because I have an incurable chemical imbalance and that's my destiny.

So I'm going to find a way. I'm going to figure something out. I'm going to make a new discovery. Nobody should have to be locked out of beautiful experiences.