@cstross now trying to figure out who would use which programming languages.

Dragons: Lisp
Elves: Haskell, obviously
Humans: Javascript (they're all Doc Brown, after all)

I want to say "gnomes use Smalltalk", but that's just for the pun. Gandalf, however, has been hacking on his bespoke image scrolls for centuries...

Oh, and the liches mostly use C/C++ because so few adventurers can correctly dereference a phylactery pointer.