guide to choosing a programming language, variation on a meme

javascript: you just want to get shit done in a browser

php: you just want to get shit done on a web server

python: you don't care how long it takes to run

c: you care how long it takes to run but refuse to learn how C++ exceptions work

java: my condolences but at least you're getting paid

bash: you just want to get shit done

perl: you last wanted to get shit done in 2002

rust: you are very tired of C++ exploding in your face

c++: you spent ten years learning how exceptions work and are not giving up now just because it explodes in your face

pascal: you are enjoying your classic Mac hobby

excel: the entire company gets shit done with this one spreadsheet