anybody ever have the experience that being merely around a certain person just calms you down?
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@thor Back in the day we used to call people who calmed down by being around others "psychic vampires".. the idea was it would cause thepeople they were around to get that persons anxiety in exchange.
Not saying thats you, just reminded me of this.
@freemo with this person it's more like taking Ritalin, but better.
"huh, wow, my head just went silent. i'm not thinking all the time. i'm not able to be bored or restless around this person."
they'll ask me what i'm thinking about and i don't have an answer because i'm not thinking about anything.
Aside from infactuation that is fleeting and a one or two time thing, I have had that with 2 people in my life... Even when i stay away for a decade and think that part of my character is "dead" and i wish i could be thatperson again.... all we do is hang out and it all comes back in an instant.
@thor Any woman i dated that I asked out (so i was clearly interested before the date) I felt this way about... in those cases for me it was fleeting.
I think, at least for me, that effect when dating ties into the whole lust vs love thing... its bascially how our bodies react to what we think is love, but we are really bad at seperating that out from momentary lust.
PS: lust does not mean to imply it is physical or even superficial... just that it is based more on your image of the person than the reality, cause you dont know the reality yet.
@freemo i didn't have such high-res access to my inner state the last time i dated, so i have nothing to compare it to.
@thor I dont think you get access to your internal state until after the fact? I certainly didnt know it was as I described when i was experiencing it.
@freemo "this feels different from the last time" but that was 10 years and a lot of self-development ago
@thor Sadly it doesnt really work that way... for all my hindsight im sure if i went through a lusty phase with a new woman I'd swear up and down it felt the same as love again :)
Thats kinda the thing, love and lust feel the same early on, not sure you even can distinguish it short of just being patient and giving it time.
For me the take away was not the ability to say "hey these two feel different" but rather the ability to say "Ok I feel this again it might be love it might be lust... try to keep the feeling in check until youve had the time to know which it is so you dont do anything youll regret"
@freemo it could be fleeting in this case. only more time together would show, which will not be happening currently.
but i'm more self-aware than i used to be, so i notice these things more. "what did this or that person do to my inner state?"