" Struggling with my conscience and principles."
" Make a decision that I very likely regret later, in part forced on by harassment and all-around abusive practices. Or take "the easy way" having to believe/trust/take on good faith the same actors that have been part of previous malicious practices, most likely now also in part exerting pressure.
God damnit, writing it down makes it even more of an unbalanced, obvious choice."