@neil This seems the crux of what needs sorting
Not even sure how to phrase it but I do know that functional communication (functioning for business or just to get what you want) has been trained or more tempting to corner... perhaps to avoid rejection or not lower ones self. Both maintain superiority in some way or don't lose face by talking and feeling too much those ways mentioned being lesser of two evils inside the successful category of trapping people/coercion/manipulation/being unclear.
From perhaps a lifetime of asking myself does seem to have logic, though ONLY because people can endlessly talk about your request, be too invasive, go too deep etc.. and add that with paranoid-inducing emails, self-doubt, etc can end up worse than just coming out with it when you know someone doesn't have much choice or time for the extra stuff..(which does includes discounting consent! Doh!). Also it is longer and more involved naturally so I guess this keeps distance in some way too.

So comments welcome what to call it.. "manners" could be one but probably shameful for people to "ask" and even desperation comes through from lack of practice, workaholism (ordering people), lack of leaving open time etc etc!