I sometimes think about setting myself a time limit. Like, until what age I want to keep trying before I decide to leave (die). There is an event which would trigger this instantly - having cancer once more, as I would decline any treatment and choose to die before all the suffering commences. But given I'm fighting for 25 years now and my life is still a pile of shit I often consider the age where keep trying would just be a game of diminishing returns. I assume I slowly reach it.