@Moon @dubh @iskandrian @sevvie @skells "X is the biggest program I've ever seen that doesn't do anything for you."

I don't think there is one; X is really large (much larger than when Ken made that remark) and I can't think of a reason anyone would undertake the effort. Plan 9 intentionally breaks compatibility with old Unix on the grounds that Unix needed a reboot, X is not super popular around those parts, and the main features are already transparent in Plan 9 (e.g., an interface to a bitmapped display/keyboard/mouse, network-transparent local display of remote programs, etc. ...But while X doesn't know how to forward audio, this is trivial and Plan 9 does it by default.). So the only benefit is that you could run X programs, I don't know what you wanna run.
I *think* (don't quote me on this) the browsers people run through linuxemu use an emulated or ported tinyx/kdrive. I seem to recall they emulate an X server instead of doing Wine-but-for-X11. Failing that, the network is the computer: you can just run Xvnc on another machine and then use vncv (
http://man.cat-v.org/9front/1/vnc ) to talk to it.
(The following is not really directed at you specifically, this was an innocuous question, the just a thought that occurs when people ask "Does Plan 9 have WordPerfect?" or "Does Plan 9 have an App Store?" or "Does Plan 9 have AOL?")
One of the complaints residents tend to levy against recent arrivals to their small towns or what-have-you is that people have come because they like the new place or become the old place became intolerable, but when they arrive in the new place, they want it to work like the place they left. I believe Texans are complaining about Californians doing this recently. 90% of anything a New Yorker says for their first year after arriving in Los Angeles is a complaint that Los Angeles is not like New York.
Like the disappointment you are going to feel if you come to Los Angeles from New York and you expect a lot of Italian restaurants and kebab guys and you ignore the burritos and pastrami burgers and danger dogs, you'll have a bad time with Plan 9 if you mainly try to do $current_year Unix things instead of doing Plan 9 things. The big difference between changing cities and executing different code on a computer is that you can use a Plan 9 machine and a Linux machine at the same time using drawterm/VNC/ssh from a Linux system or ssh/VNC from a Plan 9 system to connect a Linux machine, or exporting a filesystem with control files from Plan 9, mounting it on Linux, then writing a couple of CGI scripts to expose it to your phone. One of the Big Ideas in Plan 9 is decoupling resources from individual machines, it was designed for heterogeneous networks.
Have a look at Nemo's genius Octopus system, for example. He built it on top of Inferno (which has, as one of its Big Ideas, that what Plan 9 did can also be done in userspace):
2006--building_the_octopus.pdf2006--give_me_back_my_personal_mainframe.pdf2007--distributed_smart_spaces.pdf2007--octopus_as_middleware.pdf2007--styx_batching_for_high_latency.pdf2007--towards_persistent_distributed_interfaces.pdf2007--ui_in_octopus.pdf2008--octopus_user_manual_2nd_ed.pdf2008--using_the_octopus.pdf2009--batching_design_pattern.pdf2010--upperware_resources.pdf2011--improving_styx_high_latency.pdf2012--octopus_upperware_based_system.ps2012--personal_pervasive_environments.pdfbelt.pdf
@dubh @iskandrian clearnet alternatives, that is