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刚意识到金木会是我推,我用他可以得到一种难以言喻的活着的体验,因为我对受苦这件事有难以去除的审美和道德偏好,以前也是这样,这次更剧烈而已。就像如果我自己过得很好,没有受一点生活的苦,我会厌烦,想尽办法凡尔赛一样去找一种受苦的叙述,不然感觉不到活着。。。我这个病。。。。唉。。

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