thinking about social media and the reply guy phenomenon tonight while taking a walk, and it occurred to me that it's as if all your friends (and all their friends) were having all their conversations where you could hear them, all the time. However, only *some* of those conversations are directed at you (or would even be welcome to you), and there's significant judgment required as to when you can just jump in. And lots of us humans are very bad at that judgment.
tl;dr just because you can overhear a conversation, doesn't mean you should add your two cents.
Context is everything.
A newspaper opinion piece invites replies. Having a forum discussion in a class invites participation. You might overhear a conversation in the next booth over in a restaurant, but it would be rude to intrude. Quiet phone conversations where someone has stepped away are private. Acceptable behavior is defined by the context.
I gotta be honest - if you have a conversation on a public social forum - randoms joining the conversation are part of the deal. Indeed - maybe the entire point. If you want private conversation, or moderated, you have more appropriate options. Slack (so many slacks), email, discord, keybase, or DMs in so many places. I *often* post things to slack (multiple slacks!) that i think will interest the much smaller group there and not the public-at-large.
Point being - maybe the reply guy is an artifact of choosing the wrong communication context. If you post to a public forum, you are explicitly inviting public commentary.
@Biggles see, I partially agree - but strongly disagree that saying something in public *invites* a reply from every rando on the Internet. This is the genesis of sea lioning.
Ok, let me flip it on it's head: you want to have a conversation with your peers, but you don't want that flat-earth reply guy. Your peers are on mastodon, a slack channel, email, and zoom. Which service is *least likely* to have strangers you don't know interject comments?
If mastodon is not inviting the community to share in conversations - then no place is.
What you want is a moderated forum; be aware this is like ACID and databases, the set of traits you describe (inclusive, everyone is there, but i can have globally visible conversations with a limited subset of people) kinda contradicts itself. I read an *excellent* paper a while ago about how all attempts at moderation displease *someone* - it's either too extreme or too forgiving, and someone ends up unhappy.
And - sealioning is just assholes. They happen in any big enough group of people, along with scam artists and advertisers and crypto-fools. By definition they ignore social norms. Block them ("That is the way") but understand where they come from; they're a side-effect of inclusivity.
Incidentally - figure out a way to achieve this goal of 'all of the good and none of the bad' and your road will be paved with gold. I'll be subscriber #1, assuming of course that way isn't "don't allow his sort to sign on" 🥺
@Biggles I don’t have a solution here, because the *right* thing is for people to be mature and kind and self-aware, and that ain’t happening on the Internet.
I get it.
But - if you are at work and get a cake for Ted's birthday, and leave it in the break room - don't be surprised if someone who doesn't know Ted grabs a slice.
If you have conversations in an explicitly public forum, people will comment. Again - that's *kinda the point*. We share. We listen. And sometimes, we block. There's a reason blocking exists. It's a sign, like "wet paint". If you have a conversation here, anyone might comment, and here's your moderation tool. You may or may not like it - but it should surprise nobody.
Should people use discretion? Absolutely! Should you *expect* it? Lol no.
Don't *make* me go find the penny arcade comic, young man. You know *exactly* which one I speak of. You've sent it to me at least twice.
@Biggles No. Not every conversation between people in public is an implicit automatic invitation for any random person to jump in. There is an element of judgment here on when it is *appropriate* to add your two cents (let alone welcome), and just because people are in public does not give carte blanche.