Clara Listensprechen @ClaraListensprechen4@social.cleverlibre.org

These people really need to turn off Fox news.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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People would just start asking it to do dumb mindless shit all the time like set timers or give the weather forecast, and it would quickly become a Chucky situation

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
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I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
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#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk

Welcome.

FIRST thing to know—we're not clones. Scout Elves have names. Mine's Ted. Now, to reason you're here:

Elf on the Shelf® is the registered trademark of CCA and B LLC d/b/a The Lumistella Company. All rights reserved.

Use of Elf on the Shelf® without the trademark symbol infringes the rights of The Lumistella Company and is subject to legal action.

Thanks for coming to another of my Ted Talks™ © TED Conferences, LLC. All rights reserved.

That’s not where the candy cane goes…

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
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🎵We’ll have a blue Christmas without you🎵
Thank you very much, we’re Elv-es On Shelv-es. Please tip your server.

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk #HashtagGames

@garthderby If the talking elf wants to be paddyWHACKED, that can be arranged...

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
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#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk

Does this make me a knickknack now,
Or am I a paddywhack somehow?

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#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk I’d turn him around.

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it would send all of your most personal information directly to Jeff Bezos and wait we might already have th^H^H^H

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
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Since I joined these men, I have seen shit that'll turn you white.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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Where are my cookies?

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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If I hear Jingle Bell Rock one more time, I'm going to hurl myself off this shelf.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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This house has too many tchotchkes.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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#HashtagGames
#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
'You mustn't judge yourself too heavily, my dear--
It’s wrong to murder babies, little corals for to fleece;
But sins like these one expiates at half-a-crown apiece.

Girls will be girls--you’re very young, and flighty in your mind;
Old heads upon young shoulders we must not expect to find:
We mustn’t be too hard upon these little girlish tricks--
Let’s see--five crimes at half-a-crown--exactly twelve-and-six.'

(Elf: 'E.S. plagiarised #WSGilbert!')

Hey, kid there's a couple of bucks for you if you turn the TV to the Penthouse channel when you go to bed and leave the TV on.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk

I ate your sandwich burp