Clara Listensprechen @ClaraListensprechen4@social.cleverlibre.org

Santa was having a bad day: toy production was behind schedule, the reindeer were all sick, Ms. Claus was mad at him, and he dropped his tea in his lap.

That is when a low-ranking angel delivered him a Christmas tree. After Santa opened the door, the angel said "Hey fatboy! Where to you want the tree?"

And that is how the tradition of an angel on top of Christmas trees got stated.

(Stolen from some place I can't remember...)

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To commemorate Old Nicholas's saintly behavior at the Counsel of Nicea in 325 CE, Xmas celebrants are encouraged to slap the shit out of people who have different opinions about demonstrably untrue things.

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Two thousand years ago, a network of merchants started offering to deliver items from one village to another. At that time the concept was so new that they created a story around the new ‘Christ’ holiday: A ‘universal patron saint’ that could deliver anywhere in one night. To some he is known as Santa, to others, UPS…

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The reindeer make it through Christmas Eve on carrots and a bit of rum Santa stashes on the sleigh.

There are only 8 reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh because Masher and Klizhn, after frequent but ineffective discipline, heeded the call of the wild caribou.

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None of the elves will deliver Tesla plates, either. Nordic solidarity.

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#AlternativeChristmasFacts #HashtagGames The Yule Log tradition originated when a Germanic shepherd followed a UFO into the forest, and found it on fire and surrounded by peppermint candy.

If you have the special promo code TASTY1 and $50 to venmo, Santa's hippie brother will deliver edibles.

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If you don’t have a chimney he will kick your door down, punk!

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A fight broke out over who got to gift the gold.

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The Nativity Scene actually contains two asses. Wise man number two definitely needs an intervention…

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Nobody knows why, but the visit to the manger left Frank incensed.

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The invention of the Christmas card for the lazy people.

Joseph and Mary would have made it to the inn in time to birth Jesus inside, but unfortunately, they travel by Spirit Donkey Service and there was delay after delay after delay and they lost their reservation.

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Elon is applying for the distribution license of Santa's gifts after knowing how much money he gets from government incentives

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Santa's sleigh contract was originally with #Tesla, but difficulties with steering and frequent reindeer accidents forced him to go back to his original sleigh-maker, #Rosebud.

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After an investigation, the owner of the manger was banned from being an Airbnb.

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Joseph was the first paternity test guest on Maury

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The Christmas tree tradition was started by a drunk husband who thought the tree looked awesome in the house.