My cat is great at catching spiders. There are however a few caveats:

1. Spiders must be sufficiently enormous to be fun. Somewhere between “Oh lawd he coming” and Shelob.

2. Spider catching only happens at night, and only in the bedroom.

3. Cat will make a few chirping noises to alert us that a spider is being hunted.

4. All spiders must be delivered as gifts onto the chest or face of one of us.

5. Note I only said great at ‘catching’. Delivered spiders are very much alive and very fucking irate about the current state of affairs.