DaveTLV @Surasanji@social.cleverlibre.org

@johnrandom@cryptids.online I think it will look like the future's best movie, 1983's War Games.

@sophia@glitterkitten.co.uk I think you mean why not earlier.

@muppetbutler@cryptids.online yeah, totally. That's as valid as any other vision of a deity.

@laurie everyone wants to fuck the sky sometimes.

@bryceyoungquist @soft not me, I have degrees in furniturology and furnituronomy.

@root if you're enjoying it, you're doing it right.

That's my take on a lot of things, honestly. Not Murder, obviously. That should always be a slog.

@root MIne is good, old fashioned flower purchased from a guy. It's good. Expensive here, though.

@root I am also stoned. Two people. Stoned. Thousands of miles apart.

I'm sure there's a stoner thought in there somewhere. Good luck on the existential slime questions, btw.

@soft I'm a fan of a very strong, dark English breakfast tea. Hint of milk. So nice.

@soft what kind of tea?

Today on Cryptid Watch

@SquidPresident@cryptids.online Squid President.

The Squid President is the benevolent president of the country of Deepwet. Deepwet is in the deepest, wettest part of the ocean. Deepwet experiences up to 23.5% more wet than any other part of the ocean.

As you can imagine, that makes Deepwet the most prized jewel of the ocean, even more so than Dankdeep, Watertown, and Coralopolis.

As a squid of power, Squid President wiles his days smoking underwater cigars, which are very much like regular cigars but can be used with gills instead of lips. If you have lips, you can not use underwater cigars.

Squid President also sometimes wears a suit, only he wears it like a peoples and pretends to teach human children. The slaps of his tentacles to the beat of Huey Lewis & The News' "The Power of Love" echoes forever in the souls of his students. It haunts them. It makes one weep. It makes the other sing.

Some say there is an even more powerful @FirstLadySquid that is the real power behind the tentacle. More research is required to determine the veracity of this rumor.

Today on Cryptid Watch

@Ophillous Sixty-Thousand Bees.

This sentient colony of bees is very nice and sometimes quite shy. They work in some kind of box factory where they have a lot of dusty boxes and not a lot of flowers, which is probably torture for bees.

When not trapped in some kind of cardboard purgatory, Bees live in a coat of human skin they lovingly collected from unsuspecting donors. The donors were from ancient Egypt, flung forward in time by Sixty Thousand Bees' good friend the Desert Yeti. (No relation to the Dessert Yeti.)

Bees understand love better than most animals, and that goes double for a sentient colony of bees. That's right- double love. Very rare and precious.

Should you see Sixty-Thousand Bees in the wild, please leave them some delicious flower nectar, or a fat joint. Both of these involve flowers and will please the bees.

@johnrandom@cryptids.online ...okay. I trust you on this, Orb. Just be careful. You should watch your back, because cubes are three times worse than two faced. That's right- six faced. They are six-faced.

@soft Technically, all the cats are already in space. I mean, technically.

@johnrandom@cryptids.online sounds like it might make me vomit. Orbs are spherical and perfect, cubes are dirty bullshit!

I think I'm going to do Cryptid Watch more often. It'll be a thing where I make up stuff about my favorite cryptids.

I mean, it'll be a thing where I put forward painstakingly researched research that is absolutely not made up and is definitely facts. Exceedingly factual facts that could never have been made up.