Not posted for agreement, if you share please leave my commentary intact, terms and conditions apply.
Like practically every other man, and every other human being regardless of gender, I'm strong in some ways, weak in others. Saying "strong men are ..." anything in particular is part of the problem: it carries with it the implication that men must be strong, in every way and all the time. Well, I feel good when I'm strong, but I'm trying really hard to learn not to beat myself up about weakness. That does nobody any good, not me and not the other people who want me in the world.
Same for other men: our ruthless enforcement of arbitrary rules of masculinity has a lot to do with why we have much higher rates of alcoholism and suicide. I went too far down that road once in my life. I'm not doing it again, and I'm not pushing anyone else down it either.
The older I get, the more I believe there's no real difference between "good man" and "good person who happens to be a man." Good *people* are protective and loving—when they need to be, and also capable of acknowledging when they themselves need protection and love. Good people also, of course, refrain from abuse and spite. When they feel themselves going in that direction, they try to understand what's driving their anger, and open up to the people who love them. The alternative is bottling it up until they lash out, at which point they're no longer good.
Mr. Aleczander's heart is in the right place, I'm sure. I don't criticize him or any man for struggling to reconcile ancient ideas of manhood with overall human decency. Let's all just try not to repeat the same mistakes.
I don't disagree with you, but I think that his point is that children best grow to be emotionally healthy adults in a home which feels loving and secure, and if the father is absent or too messed up, then the toxicity comes instead.
If we define masculinity as 'that which good men are', then he's exactly right. If good women are essentially the same, all the better. I'd expect him to agree that femininity is nontoxic too.
@mikejackmin @medigoth If we define masculinity at all, outside of medical terms, we have lost.
We would discuss kindness, but some would shepheard us to discuss something else.
Don't buy into it. You all mean kindness, abandon the "masculinity" ghast. It does not matter. Women can be kind, you can be kind, reject the gender-idiocy. Kindness matters, that is all. Strength comes from conviction to kindness, not gender-acknowledgement. We are what we are.
@admitsWrongIfProven @medigoth
I mostly agree, but I also think it's apparent that many people feel that gender identity is quite important to them. They can define it as they think best.
I was just chiming in to clarify what I thought the quoted person had intended, rather than to assert any particular position.
@mikejackmin @medigoth We should encourage individual identity. But gender identity? What even is that? Conforming to something that is so different that it is not even distinguishable?
I posit that anyone who has only gender identity but no gender-averse identity has been abused and needs help finding their identity. If there is nothing but gender, what is there?
