Hey, this bar has Die Hard on the TV! Obviously I can't hear it because the music is being provided by "George", who is basically everyone's Irish grandad, but that's not a problem because I know all the dialogue anyway. John McClane is currently having a fight with Karl's brother whose name I can't remember, which means that there's a circular saw in the near future I think?

Oh no he goes down the stairs, that's right. And has tiny feet and no cigarettes

Now John McClane has a machine gun.
Ho. Ho. Ho.

McClane calls the LAPD for help, leading to a line so iconic that Ice Cube sampled it: "See if you can get a black-and-white to do a drive-by". Meanwhile, George the in-hotel musician is doing The Wonder Of You, with such skill that I think Elvis himself might come back from the dead to listen. Possibly with a choppin' knife in his hand.

We move on to George the hotel entertainment singing Red Red Wine, making it very clear why UB40 were named after the unemployment form. At the same time, McClane is climbing down an elevator shaft while suspended on the strap from his gun, which means that his magically colour-changing vest is about to make its appearance. It is a tragedy that the vest didn't win an Oscar.

The arrival of Sgt Al Powell! And McClane tells Marco, if you're going to shoot, shoot, don't talk. This is obviously massively improved by George singing Sweet Caroline, a song I have heard performed by the singer bloke at the Birmingham Christmas Market 42,385 times every day for the last month. Better than this, too.
Time for another pint.

More beer acquired, just in time for Ellis to be a traitorous bastard and George to sing Simply The Best, in flagrant defiance of the facts.
This does however mean that the SWAT team are about to attack, which means that Theo gets one of the finest lines in cinema. @mfraz74 says that the actor died a couple of weeks ago which is a tragedy. I shall drink this beer for you, Clarence Gilyard Jr.

Yes, Al, they are indeed shooting at the lights. I'm impressed you managed to hear that over the worst rendition in history of Love Is In The Air

Oh my god and the quarterback is toast!

Welcome to the party, pal!

This film is so good.
You know a film is good when you can't even hear it and have to listen to someone murdering the Mavericks and its genius still shines through.
God, I hate Ellis. Here he comes with his smarmy thing at Hans.

This deeply emotional moment between Sgt Al Powell and "Roy Rogers" is brought to you by George's rendition of Achy Breaky Heart, and that doesn't blunt its heartfelt impact at all.
However, Hans is about to shoot Ellis, which is an act so justified that they ought to let him off from stealing all the bearer bonds in the first place, so it's all OK

Reminded of the efforts me and Andy made to cast Muppet Die Hard, which they should really really make by the way. Our conclusions:

John McClane: Gonzo
Hans Gruber: Long John Silver from Treasure Island
Holly: Miss Piggy
Al: Fozzie
Karl: Animal
FBI agents: Statler & Waldorf
Kermit: Argyle
Ellis: Rizzo
Takagi: Dr Bunsen
Theo: Beaker

The FBI have arrived! Agents Johnson and Johnson are here to screw everything up. Their backing music from George is Take Me Home Country Roads. I definitely need more beer.

I have more beer.
George is taking a break, although this might be better described as giving us all a break. But fair play to the man, he gave it his all.
RTE have more bloody adverts on. Come on! The next bit is Hans pretending to be Bill Clay! Put the film back on! I massively do not care that Dunnes Stores have ten euro off a ham that nobody ought to buy anyway.

Alan Rickman smokes like a European, with cigarette between thumb and index finger, not between index and middle. This is what gives him away.
Our boy McClane is not fooled by him being tricky with the accent, which is great cos the German and the American accents are both put on by Rickman.
Such a great actor. RIP, Alan Rickman. This beer is dedicated to your memory, specifically to you telling Karl to shoot the glass in German and then having to translate it to English for his and our benefit

In a film filled with great lines, only one of them ended up being adapted in my best man's speech for Andy. The electricity employee bloke says: shut it down. Shut it down now. And inside Nakatomi Plaza, Hans Gruber says: you ask for miracles, Theo, I give you the F. B. I.
Ode to Joy plays.
The vault opens.
George (he returns!) sings Rocking Around The Christmas Tree. Even this cannot spoil the glory of this moment.

Oh god Dick Thornburg the journalist. I'd forgotten about you and how terrible you are. While George sings White Christmas (please make it stop, cries a Bing revolving in his grave at 4000rpm) and John McClane fights Karl and the agents Johnson get on the helicopter, I shall get another beer to drink for William Atherton who not only played Dick Thornburg but also Walter Peck in Ghostbusters and made me hate both of them. Hats off to your acting skill, Mr A. Keep on rocking out.