It turns out that a parent who snoops around their kid's rooms and then makes up really shitty excuses when they're caught or want to bring something up might not have a deep, trusting, and loving relationship with their adult child...

@nathaniel PARENTING / AUTHORITY RELATIONSHIPS

Yeah kids feel it when something underhand is happening or not being told things clearly,

And the authoritarian side of parents might give in to avoiding asking or avoiding because it's the 100th things and awkward about yet another thing...

It's a hard balance and all those words like trusting and loving and relationship are one's the system isn't exactly pumping out or even adults perfected with adults (but we have the authority part down I think near 100%!)

@freeschool my entire family structure is based on guess-work, and not asking questions UNLESS the desired answer outcome prediction is predicted in the question itself.

e.g. Even something as simple as this as instead of asking "what are you having for dinner?" the question is asked to attempt to elicit a "yes" answer, so "are you having spaghetti for dinner?" and if the answer is no, then it is presented as a wound or an attack on an incorrect guess.

If information is freely presented about something novel and unknown the parental unit will respond with "oh, that's what i thought!" or something equivalent. All knowledge must be shown to be previously known to the subordinate to maintain the power dynamic. No open questions or discussions allowed.

Also, watch what you say because it can be used as ammo for "oh, c'mon. i was just teasing!"

So much discovery decades later digging into the origin formulation of "self."