female-presenting person on Mastodon: "wow the level of unwanted and unasked-for tech advice here on Mastodon is unreal and often it is super condescending, I have to keep putting disclaimers on my posts to avoid it"
male-presenting people in the replies: "well it's not like that for me here!"
also male-presenting people in the replies: "omg don't make this a gender issue, it hurts my feelings"
you have to laugh, really.
@astronomerritt 🙄 "don't make this about gender" - as if anyone needed to MAKE anything here.
@quidcumque right? It IS a gender issue. Sure, men also get the mansplainy tech replies. But they don't get NEARLY as many, and they don't tend to take the same paternalistic tone. A lot of dudes, consciously or unconsciously, tend to assume more knowledge in the person they are replying to if they think that person is a fellow dude.
@astronomerritt @quidcumque the best way is to assume zero knowledge for everyone. Everyone is unique, and even the highly knowledgeable might not know this one tiny thing that makes it all clear.
Or maybe I’ve been doing this too long.
@Da_Gut @quidcumque The best way is to only give advice to online strangers if it's been specifically asked for.
The context here is important. I don't know you, so I don't *know* that you assume zero knowledge for everyone. And you don't know me, so you don't see the heaps of sexist bullshittery I have to wade through on a daily basis.
This leads to incorrect assumptions on both sides.
@astronomerritt @Da_Gut @quidcumque
(This is addressed to the royal you, not anyone particularly. And yes, I understand the irony of this post.)
The best way is to not post things on public forums unless you're willing to accept the nonsense that comes from posting in such a place, including unwanted advice.
Why should (and how can) everyone conform to your various, possibly unstated, expectations? Instead, if you're sick of dealing with what you think is crap, get out of the sewer, or put on a better hazmat suit (i.e. get busy with the block button).
I agree with Da_Gut. Assume everyone knows nothing, including myself. If I give advice in some way and I'm wrong, I learn something if the other person is willing to correct me. If I'm right, the other person learns something. Everyone wins when we put our egos aside and have discussions aimed at assisting and building each other up, even if they tell me something I already know, right?
Of course, this isn't meant to excuse rude jerks/mansplaining/sexist nonsense/etc, but you have to expect that when dealing with a diverse crowd that you may get unwanted responses. However, ignoring them, being tolerant of them, or even understanding that they may be necessary for the personal development of virtues like patience and temperance, are the simplest solutions that spare us much unneeded mental anguish:
“It’s silly to try to escape other people’s faults. They are inescapable. Just try to escape your own.”
- Marcus Aurelius
"When we are frustrated, angry, or unhappy, never hold anyone, except our judgements, accountable."
- Epictetus
