Clara Listensprechen @ClaraListensprechen4@social.cleverlibre.org

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#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
'You mustn't judge yourself too heavily, my dear--
It’s wrong to murder babies, little corals for to fleece;
But sins like these one expiates at half-a-crown apiece.

Girls will be girls--you’re very young, and flighty in your mind;
Old heads upon young shoulders we must not expect to find:
We mustn’t be too hard upon these little girlish tricks--
Let’s see--five crimes at half-a-crown--exactly twelve-and-six.'

(Elf: 'E.S. plagiarised #WSGilbert!')

Hey, kid there's a couple of bucks for you if you turn the TV to the Penthouse channel when you go to bed and leave the TV on.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk

I ate your sandwich burp

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!”

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk 
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#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk

Hello my name is Elfson I will be your creepy house guest for a few months.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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Wait. What do you mean "IF" they could talk.

I don't roll on Shabbos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPo9OBrIOi4

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#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
#TheBigLebowski

<sigh>
"Should I just jump? Or just sit here?
<sigh>

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
#HashtagGames

You told her you’re busy? I do nearly as much work as you, and I can’t move!

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk #HashtagGames

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk
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'No, you can put me on the Authentic Empire Rolltop Secretary instead of the shelf, but that doesn’t change my name…it's "Phil".'

I can be bought, toss me a twenty and that raid on your Mom's purse never gets to Santa. Kapeesh?

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk They'd all be purchased by #Amazon to provide free telephone tech support.

You won’t name him but I know what I’d call that horse!

#IfTheElfOnTheShelfCouldTalk #HashtagGames

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk

Santa Claus owes me money for being his naughty and nice spy.

You'd better clear out your browsing history before Santa gets here

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk
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#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk He'd be a snitch in the ditch.

#iftheelfontheshelfcouldtalk

I have had too many botox injections