Pivo @Pivo@social.cleverlibre.org

Me: I thought I was going to end up with a hickie at least?

Necromancer: What

Which is worse for the recipient, a glitter bomb or a bag of dicks? I am trying to get this birthday present just right

I can do all the beans recipes:

- Beans on toast
- Beans beneath toast
- Toast-adjacent beans
- Toast island amid a sea of beans
- Beans island amid a sea of toast
- Beans [are you absolutely certain you don’t want some toast with those?]

Her: I don't even know what the cloning machine does

Me: well that makes two of us

Recycling tweets on Mastodon is just good for the environment, right?

them: what’s your favorite fruit?

me: by the foot

them: no what kind

me: pink

Once I figure out how to find my old tweets from that archive I downloaded, it's all over for my toot TL

a reminder: just as you don’t have to amplify facsists or give them your time, energy and attention on Twitter, you sure as fuck don’t have to bring it over here.

I always carry a cane and a top hat just in case I trip over and need to cover it up with a snappy vaudeville dance number

[grocery produce aisle]

ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?

CLERK: No, why do you ask?

CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

Fuck you, ocean. If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you piece of shit.

thinking about being a button that has come off of a shirt and fallen onto the floor and being found by someone and put into the jar of miscellaneous buttons and whether the other buttons would accept me into their button community

Goddamn, am I going to miss it.

I can’t wait to bring up all of the dead memes and formats that everyone is hoping will die with twitter

Finding my Twitter people on here is incredibly satisfying.

*PITCH* ok what if our parents were proud of us, as a bit

My brain forces me to relive traumatic moments over and over and over and over, but it won't tell me where I left my laptop charger.