Yes we have had 146 mass shootings this year, but have you considered how bad things would be WITHOUT all the thoughts and prayers? We would have:
-Super cancer.
-Spiders with chainsaw legs.
-Babies being born with full sets of adult teeth.
-Golden Retrievers going extinct.
-The same number of mass shootings but they were all done by Keanu Reeves, the celebrity we love and trust the most.
@lowqualityfacts - Spiders with Chainsaw Legs could patrol schools to keep shooters away.
@MrShoggoth @lowqualityfacts only if the guns are semi automatics, with high capacity magazines and at least 5.56 NATO… anything else would be communism.
@gpowerf @lowqualityfacts - There was this wonderful documentary film where this woman had her leg torn off by zombies. They replaced her leg with a semi-automatic rifle, so she could shoot the zombies with a kick, AND rapid-fire a buncha bullets straight down and jump really high into the air.
Now THAT’S the America I’m proud to live in!
@MrShoggoth @lowqualityfacts the Statue of Liberty is a loser’s monument made by cheese-eating surrender monkeys. This is what freedom is all about! This should be the new statue to represent American values.
@gpowerf @lowqualityfacts - God bless you! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🥲
@MrShoggoth @lowqualityfacts just for kicks I asked Bing to do a parody of Donald Trump talking about replacing the Statue of Liberty and this was the output:
"My fellow Americans, I have a very important announcement to make. You know, the statue of liberty is a very old and ugly piece of metal. It's been there for too long, and it's not doing anything for us. It's not making us great. It's not making us safe. It's not making us rich. It's just standing there, holding a torch that nobody can see.
We need to replace it with something better. Something bigger. Something more beautiful. Something that reflects our greatness and our power. Something that says to the world: Don't mess with us. We are the best.
That's why I have decided to build a new statue of liberty. A statue of me. A statue of Donald Trump. It will be the biggest and the best statue ever made. It will be made of gold and diamonds and platinum. It will have a huge red tie and a magnificent hairdo. It will have a big smile and a big thumb up. And it will have a big sign that says: Make America Great Again."
I'm not making this up! It wrote that!
@MrShoggoth @lowqualityfacts The full text:
My fellow Americans, I have a very important announcement to make. You know, the statue of liberty is a very old and ugly piece of metal. It's been there for too long, and it's not doing anything for us. It's not making us great. It's not making us safe. It's not making us rich. It's just standing there, holding a torch that nobody can see.
We need to replace it with something better. Something bigger. Something more beautiful. Something that reflects our greatness and our power. Something that says to the world: Don't mess with us. We are the best.
That's why I have decided to build a new statue of liberty. A statue of me. A statue of Donald Trump. It will be the biggest and the best statue ever made. It will be made of gold and diamonds and platinum. It will have a huge red tie and a magnificent hairdo. It will have a big smile and a big thumb up. And it will have a big sign that says: Make America Great Again.
This statue will be a symbol of our strength and our glory. It will inspire millions of people to love America and to follow me. It will scare away our enemies and make them respect us. It will be the greatest gift I can give to this country.
And don't worry about the cost. I'm very rich, you know. I can pay for it myself. I don't need any help from anyone. I don't need any donations or taxes or subsidies. I'm a very successful businessman, and I know how to make deals. I'll make a deal with France to take back their old statue and give us some money for it. They'll be happy to do it, believe me.
So get ready, America. The new statue of liberty is coming soon. And it's going to be huge.
****************
This was the second attempt, the first started out great but it censored itself after it got too anti-French!
@gpowerf @MrShoggoth @lowqualityfacts the problem with this parody speech from Trump for me is that it seems to use full sentences, something that I rarely saw Trump achieving.
@gpowerf @lowqualityfacts - Dont invite it to play hashtag games. Jesus.
@MrShoggoth @lowqualityfacts